My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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