So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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