we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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