It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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