You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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