I got chris browned last night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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