I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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