You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize