I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize