she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize