Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sarcasm needs its own font
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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