I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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