Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize