dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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