Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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