Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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