You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize