I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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