Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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