dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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