garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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