Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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