allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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