you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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