She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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