Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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