We're facebook friends in real life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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