I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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