Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i think i just lost a toe
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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