nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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