What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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