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I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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