Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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