Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My bed smells like the plague
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize