your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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