i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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