yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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