I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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