It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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