I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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