saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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