im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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