I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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