im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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