Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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