These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize