Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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