U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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