The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The beer is more important than you right now.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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