thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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